Worth The Wait

Baby Squires is due July 27, 2017!

I've been drafting this post in my head for weeks now, and I don't quite know where to start.

In early fall 2015, I posted online about our struggle to conceive. It was incredibly helpful to connect with women who understand how sucky infertility really is. We are incredibly lucky to have beaten infertility, and are enjoying this new stage anticipating how our lives will change for the better this summer!

But infertility leaves pretty deep scars. I know how hard it is to see pregnancy announcements when you're still in the trenches, and feeling very alone. For better or for worse, I think this journey has changed me forever. I hope to be forever sensitive to the amazing women who are still waiting (and the ones who will wait) for their babies. I know there are people who have been waiting much longer than I did. When I was in the thick of it, I found great comfort in reading about others' battles with infertility. If anyone wants to reach out and ask questions about our experience, please don't hesitate to message me. But for now...I'm keeping the majority of the specific details close to my heart. (The internet can be a scary place!) I'm so grateful for everyone who answered my questions as I began this journey, and I would love to return the favor to anyone out there who is struggling right now.

Erie, Pennsylvania doesn't have any infertility clinics, so some time ago, I began to research reproductive endocrinologists in the three largest cities surrounding us: Buffalo, NY; Cleveland, OH; and Pittsburgh, PA. These cities are all about 1 hour 45 minutes to 2 hours away from us, so distance wasn't really a deciding factor. In the end, we went with a clinic in Buffalo. For some reason, this part of the country charges SIGNIFICANTLY less that the other cities I looked into. (Definitely a blessing of moving where we did.) We were lucky to wrap up our treatment in the fall before most of the snow hit. (However, I did get caught in some horrible snow during my last appointment in Buffalo. It was so bad that the sweet clerk at Trader Joe's offered to let me stay with her family for the night!) But I digress...

I've been using this blog primarily to record thoughts surrounding major life changes, and a first pregnancy certainly falls into that category. I may ramble a bit, but hey, my blog, my rules, right?

I took a pregnancy test pretty early after our treatment, but I waited until my blood-work came back positive to tell our families. When you're trying to conceive, negative pregnancy tests can be pretty depressing...and sadly commonplace. I would tell myself that my body would KNOW when it was pregnant. After all, I had heard family stories of how awfully sick pregnancy makes ya, so I assumed that I would be no different: When I got horribly sick THEN I would know I was pregnant.

But honestly...I feel like I was lying to myself because I haven't had much nausea AT ALL. (I know. I'm that woman everyone hates. But I'm just going to call it a blessing and ENJOY!)

Because I have so very few symptoms, I was convinced for the first few weeks that something must be wrong. "Hey baby? Are you even growing in there?" I feared miscarriage nearly every day, but as the blood levels continued to rise, and the heartbeat grew stronger and stronger, my fears began to slowly subside. Well...for a while at least. Before graduating from my clinic, I got to have an ultrasound every other week. Then there was a month of nothing! I finally got to have an ultrasound today, and what a sigh of relief! I was so happy! We saw a very active little baby moving around with a strong heartbeat! Even still, nothing about pregnancy and childbirth is ever easy. I'm sure I will be on pins and needles the next six months as well.

Because my doctor appointments to Buffalo would take 4-5 hours round trip, (plus regular stops at Trader Joe's!) I was open about our treatment at work. I couldn't have asked for a more supportive or compassionate boss and team. This job has been a great joy in my life, and as weird as it is to tell your boss: "My mom doesn't even know the results of the blood-work yet, but I will text you later tonight!" I love how kind and supportive they have been. I work with a great group of working women who have great advice and aren't afraid to tell me how things "really are" when it comes to pregnancy.

We were also pretty open about our treatment with our local church congregation. When you choose to be open about treatment, people know your are pregnant sooner than they usually would. But regardless, I don't think Cameron could hold it in. It's been fun to see him so excited. Haha. I figure the news is spreading quickly, so I better make it facebook official before it's old news.

I'm grateful for the many prayers on our behalf, and for everyone who has been a help during this time. Also a special shout out to my sister for taking photos for us. I know we're not the easiest couple to work with :)

But just so I don't forget, I thought I'd list a few of my symptoms so far:

• Cramping during first few weeks=scary!
• Certain pants haven't been fitting since about week 4. (I think this may be a drug side effect.) Hurray for Christmas maternity pants!
• Thyroid levels are on the edge of normal, so I was put on a drug as a preventative measure.
• I finished my progesterone on week 10!!! I'm so glad to be done with that hormone, but I have a suspicion that the progesterone is what prevented me from having any morning sickness, so I'm anxious to see how the next few weeks go. (Update: Weeks 11-12 were only slightly worse. Not a definitive thesis.)
• While I haven't been very nauseous, I tend to alternate between food aversions and hunger. My go to food is usually soup. (Especially chicken noodle.) I have had sooo much soup this month!
• Old wives tales tend to point towards this being a boy. We will see!